Man vs Cat
by Debs1990
Summary: Cat!AU. James Potter has been dating Lily Evans for two months, and the only thing stopping them from being truly happy is Lily's cat, Petunia. Written for Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry (Challenges and Assignments) Arithmancy Assignment 9.
1. Chapter 1

**Man vs Cat**

Written for _Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry (Challenges and Assignments) Arithmancy Assignment 9._

Task: For this assignment, I want you to write me a Cat!AU. You can use any characters you want, any situation you want, any period you want. It's just that they all have to be cats (and I guess doing cat things).

* * *

James Potter hesitated by the front door of his girlfriend's house, willing himself to knock. He'd been dating Lily Evans for a few months now, and overall he was perfectly happy with the way things were going; the only problem was her beloved cat, Petunia. She was the reason he stood outside like a wimp, and even imagining the taunting he'd receive from his friends wasn't enough to spur him into action.

He muttered to himself. "Come on, Potter, she's a small, sandy-coloured cat. Are you a man, or are you a mouse?"

Sobered and spurred on by his words, James knocked. It didn't take long for Lily to open the door and invite him in. She looked more beautiful every time he saw her, but he was unsure about voicing that out loud. Was it too cheesy and unoriginal, even if he genuinely meant it? 'Oh, to hell with it!'

"Lily, I swear you look more beautiful every time I see you. How do you do it?"

He was relieved when her eyes lit up, and she gave him her most dazzling smile; the smile that could put the gorgeous Lucia Zabini to shame. "If anyone else said that to me, I'd be repulsed, but somehow coming from you, it's sweet and charming. How do you do it?"

Delighted at her words, James grinned at her and leant in to plant a kiss on her luscious, red lips. At that very moment, he heard a familiar miaow as the kitchen door was pushed open and Petunia appeared. To James's displeasure, Lily moved away from him to stroke her pet.

"I think Petunia has come to say hello to you. I told you she'd warm up to you soon enough, didn't I?"

Somehow he highly doubted that was the case, but he walked over to them anyway. Ignoring the glare he received from the harmless looking cat, James tentatively reached out to pet the cat from hell – and instantly regretted it. Petunia hissed loudly and lunged at his hand, but luckily for James, he had fast reflexes and jumped back quickly. His hazel eyes remained fixed on the devil cat as he took a deep breath to calm himself. Merlin, he hated that cat more than any other creature he'd ever laid eyes on. The two kept their gaze on each other, and James didn't know who disliked the other more.

"I'm so sorry. I don't know what came over her; she's usually very tame and quiet. Do you want me to keep her out of the way while you're here?" Lily asked him anxiously. "At least until she's got used to you."

Doubt crept in as he wondered if Petunia would ever accept him, and James longed to answer yes to her question, but he didn't want to be seen as the bad guy. Eventually, he shook his head.

"It's okay; she's just a little playful, I'm sure."

Lily seemed surprised at his words, but she nodded at his words and led him into the living room. Petunia followed closely behind and jumped onto her owner's lap as soon as Lily sat down, purring contentedly while her eyes were fixed on James. As Lily started to talk about the day she'd had, he found himself zoning out and watching the small, thin animal that caused him so much trouble.

She was given plenty of food, but she never seemed to put on any weight; the food was a good quality brand because Petunia would turn her nose up at anything that wasn't the best. From what James had seen of her when he came round, she loved to sit on the window ledge and watch people walk by – like a housewife with a penchant for gossip. Very much a house cat, Petunia would hiss and cling on for dear life if anyone tried to get her outside, and Lily would often end up with scratched arms from the battle. Her cat bed remained largely ignored in favour of her owner's bed, although Lily didn't seem to mind. How his girlfriend put up with her, James didn't know, but then he'd always been more of a dog person. Perhaps the fur ball could sense that.

James snapped himself out of his thoughts and tried to focus on what Lily was saying, but a plan was being formed inside his head; a plan to get Petunia to like him. Perhaps he could bring around some of her favourite treats and a toy. After all, he loved Lily Evans with all his heart, and he'd be damned if he was going to let her cat get in the way of that. 'I'm going to be on my best behaviour from now on, and I'll get you on my side, one way or another.' As if she could read his mind, Petunia lifted her head up and blinked at him.

Love was making him crazy.


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter 2**

"Honestly, James, just move her and get into bed!"

"Are you sure that's a good idea, Lil?"

"Yes! She happily accepted the cat treats you gave her earlier. I think she's warming up to you."

Hesitantly, James stepped towards the small cat who was watching his every move. After a nod of encouragement from Lily, he reached out his hand; Petunia hissed loudly, and James quickly moved his hand away.

"Petunia!" Lily exclaimed, shocked. The demon cat fixed her gaze on her and miaowed softly before moving over to Lily, purring loudly and snuggling up. "There you go; she's moved so that you can get on."

James highly doubted that, but he did not comment as he got into bed. "Um, could you put her on the floor?"

"I'll pop her in the cat bed. I'm sure she won't mind."

The cat was unamused at being picked up, but she didn't bite or claw at Lily. Instead, she stared unblinkingly at James.

 _If looks could kill, I'd be a goner,_ he thought with a grimace.

As soon as she switched the light out, Lily leant in to kiss him; soon, all thoughts of Petunia had wholly left his head. Unknown to James, a pair of green eyes remained fixed on him.

.oOo.

"Ow!"

James winced when his sleep was rudely interrupted by a sharp pain in his leg. It felt like something small and furry had attached themselves to him. Once he opened his eyes and saw that he was in Lily's room, he realised that this theory was correct. "Get off!" He hissed, shaking her off his leg. "What did I ever do to you, cat?"

Petunia stared at him, and James was pretty sure that if she could speak, she would tell him it was his fault for keeping his leg out of the covers. He glanced over at Lily and saw that she was still asleep. James didn't want to wake her, so he sighed and got out of bed.

When he dressed and walked out of the door, Petunia followed him. Once they were in the kitchen, she strolled over to her bowl and looked at him expectantly. "I would've given you a treat, but since you woke me up early, I think not."

He turned to walk away but got a shock when Petunia attacked. The cat wrapped itself around his leg, clinging on and digging her claws in. James yelled as he tried to kick her off.

"Petunia!" Lily shouted, walking into the kitchen and taking in the comical scene.

Hearing her owners voice, Petunia happily left him alone and ran off to Lily. His girlfriend looked torn between amusement and annoyance. "So now you know what happens if you don't feed the little monster." She turned to the cat. "And as for you, what do you think you're doing? If you keep attacking him, he won't want to come back."

 _That's what she's hoping for,_ James thought, but he wisely kept his opinions to himself. _Little monster? That's putting it mildly._ Annoyingly, Petunia purred when Lily reached out to stroke her.

"Will you feed her, James? It might help her to warm up to you."

"But she..."

"Please. For me?"

Those green eyes were too much for him. "Okay."

James grabbed the cat food and was surprised when Petunia rubbed against his legs, purring loudly. He'd underestimated just how two-faced cats could be.

"See? What did I tell you? She likes you."

"I'm honoured."

He placed the food in the bowl, and with one last purr, Petunia devoured it.

.oOo.

 _Three months later_

"James! I've got a surprise for you!"

He smiled when he heard Lily's voice. "I'll be there in a minute, Lil."

When he arrived in the kitchen, his girlfriend was putting bags away. "Do you need a hand?" He asked.

"No thanks, I'm nearly done now."

"So, what's the surprise? Is it chocolates?"

"No."

"Sweets."

"No, James. It's nothing edible."

Then, he heard a loud meow. "That's odd. I could've sworn that Petunia was on the bed."

"That wasn't Petunia."

"Then who was it?"

Lily walked to the back door and picked something up. It looked like a pet carrier to James. Suddenly, he knew where this was going, and he groaned. Inside the carrier, there was an enormous black cat staring at him intensely.

"James, I'd like to introduce you to Vernon."


End file.
